What is it about Hollywood that in a mere three hours time it can so alter my perceptions, that I begin to think wearing a leather onesie is the most logical clothing choice. It’s no surprise that after seeing the Dark Knight Rises last night, I dreamed myself into the film after falling asleep. It was right on as far as the films tone goes. Dark. Ass-kicking. Crime-fighting. This was no “bam! sok! pow!” in star bubbles and bright colors. You’ll just have to take my word for it. It was every inch as underworld as the movies.

But like this latest incarnation of the Batman, there is an extra twist in every turn. The twist that my character surprised with was this. Somehow. Some way. Without losing the serious and desperate nature of the vigilante. My fight was supported with vegetables. I guess if a man can dress in a bat suit and be taken seriously, there’s hope for me brandishing leeks and throwing rutabagas. Oh, subconscious, you embarrass me sometimes.

Although it wasn’t yet clear who I was battling or why, my weapons were obvious. An army of brassicas, alliums, roots, leafy greens. They were all there. What this means, I’d rather not guess. But it made for a good show. And the message, if there was one I suppose could be much like the Virginia Woolf line that says, “One cannot think well, love well, sleep well, if one has not dined well.” So watch out villians, we’re sneaking the weapons in the back door, where anyone can get in and eat for free. Welcome to the feast.

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